Today I asked our student why so many Chinese live apart? I have seen this family separation throughout China. I knew that the Cultural Revolution was responsible for many split families and many children were cared for by government schools. Is family separation a carry over from the cultural revolution?
The population in China is comprised of mostly males, 2 men for every woman is the norm in China, so I thought this might be part of the reason for living apart. So our student explained that many think divorce is bad so they live apart. What I understood from the conversation is that the term "thunder marriage" describes a marriage living apart. Victor mentioned that this phenomena can also be seen in India where societal pressure condemning divorce is stronger than a miserable marriage.
I am always surprised how Asians often will not directly express opinions regarding their own life situation even in a family setting. Mianzi or saving face is readily understood by the Chinese but I think it is the most difficult part of Chinese culture to understand. I think often as westerners we feel honored if someone can express their needs directly and politely, but it does seem that in more formal settings in Southern sections of America we have similar practices to the Chinese "saving face tradition."
I am trying my best to guess what our student needs but never really know. When I encounter the awkward pause or avoidance tactic I know that the answer is no.
My example for today:
Me: "Do you want to go for a walk?"
Student: "Uhhhhhhhhhhh"...runs to room door shuts immediately.
This could be a cultural thing who knows?
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